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Teeth Lost and Found

UNCONDITIONAL CONFIDENCE

Student: Would you say that unconditional confidence is the same as tenderness?

Chogyam Trungpa: Yes, very much so. The unconditional confidence is the pragmatic aspect of that tenderness. It is the action arising from the softness. It is just like watching the sun rise. First, it is very feeble and one wonders whether it will make it. And then it shines and shines. Confidence is not arrogance or pride or anything like that. Confidence is a natural unfolding process. It's not a question of needing confidence or not needing it. It's naturally there.

From “Basic Goodness,” a talk

Unconditional confidence is also known as the 'Lion's Roar' in Tibetan tradition. The notion that throughout all of our lives, every single bit of 'reality' is essentially, can be boiled down to, a moment to moment experience that we can't hang on to. Trying to hang on to what does not exist (for more than a moment anyway) creates fear and confusion. The bravery of learning to accept things-as-they-are. We don't want things-as-they-are; we want things-as-we'd-like-them-to-be. Moslty for me anyway.

Good luck with that one. It's been tried before- this attempt to grasp and hold on, with only sporadic and temporary positive results; that even when so dearly bought, then must be guarded. Knowing that sooner or later, it will be stolen/broken/shat on. As all things must pass on, give up the ghost and thouroughy kick the bucket. Fuck it.

Trusting the 'feeble' feeling of tenderness, not knowing. Care free and on-the-spot. Can I do this? Yes. Will I? I hope so, more and more.

After reading my blogs written through the fall for the first time, I've dropped the book idea like a large, poisonous snake. For now- maybe I have a book in me but Eyes in the Pine is too all over the place. Reading them for the first time was fun for me, and if you want to check one out from September, easy reading, I'm in a country flea market in Savanah, Tennessee- try this.

So, I've decided to blog Eyes in the Pine for my own amusement, letting go of any 'high concept' of anything, or some Utopian bullshit. Or preachy screed. I hope you'll enjoy as you see fit, and feedback is always welcome. Hell, I'll post something of yours if ya want. Even anonymously; Eyes in the Pine can keep a secret!

I go pick up my lithium today. After all these years, I'm tagged as bipolar II rapid cycle style. I've been pretty hypo-manic for 6 months. Not crazy, not delusional (well sure we are sort of don't you think?!) but now I need to find some middle ground, a human realm. Heaven and Hell are great places to visit, and trust me I've spent a lot of time in both of late, but I wouldn't want to live in either one. Earth is better, but it is a knarly, rocky son of a bitch! But I love it in spite of that, or because of that……… Teeth come loose; whether jarred by door jambs or just pushed slowly out of the way. New ones cuttin' on in. Gotta move, you got to move. Cutting through. The veils of our own illusions, vanities, self-concern, on a good day. We gotta eat, rip and tear something, and somebody's got to die all that hunger. The deer, the fox, and the largely ignored and forgotten death of moles, beetles and all the ants I killed as a 4 year old mini-monster with a magnifying glass on a sidewalk sunny afternoon. Yikes.

Yes, death don't have no mercy, Including me, but I do want to stick around long enough to see this amazing time in human history, this Freak Show, the classis Pas De Duex. Or whatever; it's quite a Show is my point here. So what if it's scary and painful along the trail; that seems to be one of the points. Learn from that shit. In short, I'll take your damn lithium, Doctor X, and may it be a blessing.

Enjoy the freakish weather!

Above moto of Abby, my friend Beth's 5 year old. We think she's going to Broadway, seriously. She lost her first tooth while I was visiting, and I'm thankful I got to see that.

Also, a few new motos leaking through